Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Perfect Pitch

Sorry for the lack of posts. I'm busy editing, revising, using my precious critiques from my critique groups to make my story better. I'm super excited to have gotten this far. I've had such a fun time writing this story. It's definitely my favorite I've written. Now, hopefully I can polish it, make it shine, and start the dreaded query. I do have a 2 line pitch, so I'm on the right track I think.
I'm going to write my 2 sentence pitch, and would like you guys to let me know what you think. Does it intrigue you? Any thoughts would be welcome! :)

Not Your Average Fairy Tale.

Being a fairy godmother would be a piece of cake - if you are a girl. Forced to grant three wishes to a troubled human girl before he can graduate, Ash tries to get his assignment over with as fast as possible - not expecting to fall in love in the process.

If you guys have pitches, I want to read them!! I love seeing how different stories are, and how you come up with a 1-2 line pitch. It's so hard to cram your whole book into 2 sentences, but somehow we end up doing it. Now to write the query...

7 comments:

ali said...

Fun! Congrats on being DONE! Woot!

I love your story idea! I can totally see why you had such fun with it.

I have just a couple suggestions for you on your pitch:

Being a fairy godmother would be a piece of cake - FOR a girl. Forced to grant three wishes to a troubled human girl before he can graduate (to what? from what?), Ash tries to get his assignment over with as fast as possible - [not expecting to fall in love in the process.] This last part sounded predictable to me; I think it's just the wording, but I'm not sure how to change it. I guess I'd like it to be something a little stronger. Like maybe something about being surprised to have his own wishes answered instead. I don't know. Just some other way to say that he finds love where he didn't expect to.

I know! So not helpful! Sorry Chantele. I hope it opens your eyes to some possibilities at least and doesn't just tick you off! Ahhh! Sorry!

Lisa said...

Okay, here's a quick try. Let me know what you think!

Brenna Richardson hopes that somewhere on the Emerald Isle she can find the solace she needs to come to terms with her father’s death and her mother’s betrayal. But a summer of sightseeing quickly transforms into a struggle to determine whether the visions she is having of a dead man are real and whether or not she wants to pursue him.

Chantele Sedgwick said...

@ali
Ha! It doesn't tick me off at all Ali! :) Thanks!!

@Lisa
I like that Lisa!! Makes me even more excited to read the rest!!

Dayana Stockdale said...

I think that pitch is great! If you don't mind my suggesting, here are the changes I would make.

Being a fairy godmother would be a piece of cake - if you are a girl. Forced to grant three wishes to a troubled human girl before he can graduate, Ash tries to get his assignment over with as fast as possible. The last thing he's expecting is to fall in love in the process.

I would make this change because I think that you should not have that last bit about falling in love as an aside. That's how it currently reads, as an afterthought. Because it is important I would give it its own sentence and subject.

:)

Christina said...

I liked the "FOR a girl" change, but everything else in your pitch, I think, was great.

Also, I saw your pitch over at Market My Word's agent pitch contest and loved it! I hope you get it published one day b/c I'd definitely read it. Good luck with the contest--even though I want to win! :p

Chantele Sedgwick said...

@Christina
Thanks for stopping by my blog Christina!! :D Good luck in the contest as well! :)

Brooke R. Busse said...

I see in your description of yourself that you now have an agent. I so hope he (or she) is representing this one!